You're a fucking moron. They wrote it like that to avoid legal liability.
"The two Irish Rugby players were not in a lurid sex-scandal with a young woman and The Potato can now tell you exactly what didn’t happen.
The whole incident didn’t happen a week ago when the two Lions players didn’t take Welsh team mate Alex Cuthbert out on the town in Dublin for a pre-season reunion after their Australian Tour in early July.
It was on this night that Conor and Simon didn’t go to a fast-food eatery, which allegedly was an Eddie Rockets and did not bump into a young woman. They trio didn’t retire to a bedroom and didn’t engage in a passionate ‘Devil’s Threesome’ (Two men and one woman). This carnal act of fornication was not recorded and leaked to the Internet.
The incident, which never happened, didn’t come to light after the girl in question didn’t boast to her friends on the social networking site Facebook about the hot ménage-a-trois that she didn’t have. Her friends then didn’t leak this information out like the two-faced, back-stabbed witches that they’re not.
The video which wasn’t leaked around to various people and eventually to the internet, was soon taken down but eyewitness who saw the video that wasn’t recorded claim that at one point Simon Zebo didn’t shout to girl in question to “Call me N*gger bitch!” before not ejaculating his semen on to Conor Murrays chest. The girl has not temporarily fled to England and is not expected to return shortly.
It’s nice to know in a world where sports stars are constantly getting into scandals where they pick up impressionable young women, degrade them and have the unfathomable vanity to record it, that here is one incident that didn’t take place."